i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
