She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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