We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
