I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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