i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
