my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
