I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
