Ketchup is God's man juice
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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