Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
