I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
