If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
