I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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