booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
