I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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