I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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