Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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