Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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