You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
