Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
