I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
