Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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