when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
