When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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