Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
