That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
