He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
