I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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