it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
