It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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