i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
