Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
