We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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