he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
