Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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