This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
