You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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