PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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