There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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