Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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