wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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