you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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