I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
