I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
