He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
