I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
