Is it because I queefed?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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