he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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