those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is my gift to your gina
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
