Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
