Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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