Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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