Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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